Final Fantasy 10 crossover with my retard life!
by Mistress-Diashi
Summary: A dustball eats a flower, Tidus zaps it with a spoon, and Seymore sets a Crusader machina on it! AAAHH!
1. Oneth!

Note: I don't own Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Seymore or Yuna. They're fictional peoples, and Hailey owns herself. At least I think she does. o.O  
  
Sam: *eye twitch*  
  
Lulu: *slaps eye twitch off*  
  
Sam: Hey! Meanie!  
  
Lulu: I'm not mean. I have a bubbly optimistic personality that you love.  
  
Yuna: I'm spineless, so I'll agree. *nudge* *whisper* Agree, or she'll set her stuffed bunny rabbit bear thing on you!  
  
Me: Um, okay. Yes... bubbly personality. Got it.  
  
Tidus: I'm so cool. Yuna, Kiss me.  
  
Hailey: *Murders Yuna*  
  
Tidus: What did I ever see in Yuna? I love you, Hailey.  
  
Hailey & Tidus: *make out*  
  
Sam: Watch me spoil the moment! *fart*  
  
Seymore: I'm SO not evil!  
  
Sam: Love your hair. Man, you're so hot.  
  
Seymore: Yes, but my name sucks and have this incredibly annoying habit of pissing off Hailey!  
  
Hailey: *smacks Seymore while still making out with Tidus*  
  
Sam: *pokes Seymores hair* I want your hair. *  
  
Seymore: *inches away*  
  
MEANWHILE: *Tidus and Hailey go into bedroom*  
  
Wakka: I'm gonna go get Lulu pregnant now.  
  
Lulu: And thanks to my habit of never eating, and my excruciatingly tight- corset on my Kick ass dress, it won't even show!  
  
*Lulu & Wakka leave*  
  
*Seymore, Sam and now-bug-infested Yuna corpse remain* Sam: Let's go listen in on Hailey and Tidus.  
  
*Seymore & Sam listen in thorugh door*  
  
Tidus: Just grab it!  
  
Hailey: No! It's ugly!  
  
Tidus: Please?  
  
Seymore: WTF?!  
  
Sam: Let's walk in on them!  
  
*Sam and Seymore walk in*  
  
Hailey: Hey!  
  
*Tidus is holding up Hailey, and Hailey is trying to grab a random object off really high shelf*  
  
Sam & Seymore: *snort* *Stiffle of laughter* *burst out laughing*  
  
Seymore: We thought you guys were making love!  
  
Sam: But you were just grabbing a random object off a freakishly high shelf!  
  
Tidus and Hailey: *averts eyes* ...Um.... Yes.... That's how it happened.... Yes... That lame excuse will do.... Heh....  
  
Sam & Seymore: *nervous laughter*  
  
Narrator: And so, Tidus, Hailey, Sam, And Seymore shared a moment of sheer uncomfortable silence. The End. 


	2. Twoeth!

Note: I don't own Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Seymore or Yuna. They're fictional peoples, and Hailey owns herself. At least I think she does. o.O  
  
Lulu: I'm pregnant!  
  
Wakka: Gotta think up a name, ya?  
  
Sam: Well hurry up you dolt! *smack*  
  
Wakka: Ouch, ya?  
  
Hailey: *walks in holding hands with Tidus*  
  
*Lulu and Wakka leave*  
  
Sam: Good riddance. Her black hair and freaky personality and his irritating voice and figure will turn out with one DAMN ugly baby.  
  
Seymore: Greetings.  
  
Sam: *pokes Seymores hair* I want your hair. *applies cover up on Seymores blue veins showing*  
  
Seymore: *Swats Sam away* Those are SUPPOSED to be there! *wipes it off*  
  
Hailey: We've got news!  
  
Sam: You two are breaking up?  
  
Tidus: We're getting married!  
  
Sam: Oh Joy. *doesn't care*  
  
Seymore: Hey! Look! It's Yuna!  
  
Rotting corpse of Yuna: Blllarrrrghhhh!  
  
Hailey: I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU! *blam*  
  
Rotting corpse of Yuna: *falls to ground with head splattered everywhere*  
  
Sam: I want fuzzy peaches.  
  
Seymore: Here. *hands bag of delicious candies*  
  
Sam: *glomps down candy* I'm done. Gimme more. MORE!  
  
Seymore: *inches away*  
  
Random guy: Hey, I'm looking for a Seymore Butts, people! SEE MORE BUTTS?! ANYONE?!  
  
Hailey: He's right here! *points*  
  
Seymore: That's not funny.  
  
Sam: Actually, it is. *bursts out laughing*  
  
Tidus: *pouts* Pay attention to me!  
  
Hailey: M'kay hun. *ignores Tidus*  
  
Sam: *psst* Let's go play Blitzball!  
  
Tidus: *Wispering* 'Kay.  
  
Narrator: And so, Hailey ignored Tidus, Seymore started putting on his daily application of makeup, and Tidus and Hailey went to go play blitzball.  
THE END 


	3. Threeeth!

Note: I don't own Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Seymore or Yuna. They're fictional peoples, and Hailey owns herself. At least I think she does. o.O  
  
Tidus: Hey Sam! CATCH! *throws blitzball*  
  
Sam: *misses*  
  
Tidus: Let's get in the water. I'm all hot.  
  
Hailey: DAMN STRAIT!  
  
Seymore: *blink*  
  
Sam: *gazes at Seymore* If only you weren't dead...  
  
Hailey: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?!?! *shakes fist*  
  
Seymore: *ignores glares from Hailey*  
  
Tidus: *drags Sam in the Blitzball arena* I want to play, dammit! And since Hailey hates the sport so much, you're my alternate!  
  
Sam: *cross* SO I'M JUST SECOND-BEST TO YOU!?!?!? IS THAT IT?!?!  
  
Tidus: *senses danger* Um... well, It's too bad Hailey never plays, but it would be great if you'd play in her place!  
  
Sam: *cools down* Okay!  
  
*Sam and Tidus play Blitzball*  
  
-MEANWHILE SEYMORE AND HAILEY ARGUE IN THE EMPTY STADIUM-  
  
Hailey: WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE?!?!?!?!? ARRRRGGGG!!!!!  
  
Seymore: You know that Sam'll murder you if you kill me. *sticks out tounge*  
  
Hailey: Grrrr..... *calls to Sam* SAM, YOU'RE CRAZY!  
  
-UNDERWATER DURING 1-on-1 GAME OF BLITZBALL-  
  
Sam: *underwater so all that is seen is bubbled coming out of mouth* Blllurrbblleee blurb!  
  
Tidus: BLURB! (Catch!) blitzball goes flying past Sam into net  
  
Sam: WTF?!?!  
  
Tidus: Blerble blurb blubble bleeb! Sam: What's going on, eh?  
  
Tidus: (Let's get out. Hailey is about to murder Seymore. Not that that's a BAD thing!  
  
Sam: *punches Tidus* Jerkoff!  
  
-MEANWHILE-  
  
Hailey: Seriously! You're like, immortal!  
  
Seymore: Must I endure so much praise? *smug*  
  
Hailey: Whateva. They're getting out. And they're miraculously NOT SOAKING WET!  
  
Tidus: Waddup?  
  
Seymore: I. SEE. DEAD. PEOPLE.  
  
Sam: You better, otherwise you'll be like this freaky dead guy who can't see your dead buddies so you'll be going around with your buds all like WTF?!!?  
  
Seymore: .....  
  
Hailey & Tidus: *continuous making out*  
  
Sam: *imitates Coach Z* 'Ey! Those are da breaks!  
  
Narrator: Um.... Yeah. 


	4. Foureth!

Note: I don't own Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Seymore, Nooj, Rikku, Paine, Leblanc or Yuna. Or Jareth. They're fictional peoples, (let's hope not) and Hailey owns herself. At least I hope she does. o.O Dun own the Olsen twins either. I don't think they do mysteries in their attic anymore. Meh.  
  
Hailey: I want this dress, lovey dove. *points to feathery dress*  
  
Tidus: Um, okay. I guess that means I'm stuck with this matching thing. *points*  
  
Seymore: Hey! That's mine! *snatches away*  
  
-SAM IS BUISILY RUNNING AROUND YELLING AT PEOPLE-  
  
Hailey: I'm so glad she decided to plan our wedding for us!  
  
Sam: So, the Flamingos will poop here, and the pelicans will serve as the punch bowls...  
  
Hailey: *spaz*  
  
Tidus: I like flamingos. *pouts*  
  
Sam: *pokes Seymores' hair* I want your hair.  
  
Seymore: Yes, you've made that clear many times.  
  
Hailey: It's better than Jareth and his tighty-whitey pants!  
  
Sam: *rips out Hailey's ribcage and runs around wearing it as a hat*  
  
Seymore: That's not very nice.  
  
Sam: *quickly stuffs ribcage back in* Anything for you, my Noojie Woojie!  
  
Seymore: I'm not Nooj,  
  
Sam: *goes all freaky Leblanc-like* I know, but you will be soon, love! *waves fan in seymores face*  
  
Hailey: Something evil is at work here!  
  
Tidus: Sounds like it's time for...  
  
Random people: THE OLSEN AND OLSEN MYSTERY AGENCY!  
  
Random Person: We'll solve any crime,  
  
Another Random Person: BY DINNER TIME!  
  
Sam: *stuffs weirdos in a bag and throws em' in with the pelicans*  
  
Seymore: You're not Leblanc anymore?  
  
Sam: *appaled* I am NOT that Pink-Hearty-Wearty Wench! *slaps*  
  
Seymore: *weirded out*  
  
Hailey: *pissed* Can we get back to ME AND TIDUS GETTING MARRIED PLEASE?!?!  
  
Sam: Right. BRING IN THE FLAMINGOS!  
  
Hailey: NO FRICKIN' FLAMINGOS!  
  
Tidus: I LIKE FLAMINGOS!  
  
*Hailey and Tidus have lovers tiff*  
  
Narrator: ........  
  
THE END! 


	5. Fiveeth!

Note: Dun own anything but me. And Hailey. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Hailey: You LIKE flamingos?!? What kinda man are you?!?!  
  
Tidus: *cries* I-I-I-I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE A NICE WEDDING!  
  
Hailey: *spaz* WITH FLAMINGOS?!!??!?!?  
  
-Meanwhile, Seymour and Sam sit uncomfortably nearby, casting akward glances at each other-  
  
Sam: *akward glance*  
  
Seymour: *akward glance back*  
  
Sam: ..... So, how's your spleen?  
  
Seymour: It's doing good.  
  
Sam: *blink* I want cheese bread.  
  
Seymour: Okay. I'll wait.  
  
Sam: *doesn't move* ......  
  
Seymour: What?  
  
Sam: Isn't it like, some kinda Maester thing to go get the cheese bread FOR the lady?  
  
Seymour: No...  
  
Sam: *evil glare*  
  
Seymour: I'll be right back! *runs off to get cheese bread*  
  
-TIDUS AND HAILEY ARE STILL FIGHTING-  
  
Hailey: NEVER EVER STICK PENS IN YOUR MOUTH! IT'S UNSANITARY!!!!!  
  
Tidus: *sniff* I'm sorry.  
  
Hailey: *melts inside* I'm sorry too.  
  
Tidus & Hailey: *make out*  
  
Narrator: And so, Sam slapped Seymore when he brought her bread with cheese that wasn't melted on the bread, and Tidus and Hailey started to sing about toenail clippings. 


	6. Sixeth!

A/N: Dun own nuttin' but Hailey. My pet ostrich owns me.  
  
Narrator: A few months later, our heroes are in Canmore, for Hailey and Tidus's wedding. Tidus insisted on Hailey cutting her hair like Yunas' for the wedding, and making her wear a plastic ring from a cereal box.  
  
Sam: eats cheese bread whilst staring angrily at Seymore  
  
Seymour: What?!  
  
Sam: Their wedding is today. I hope you're happy.  
  
Seymore: ......  
  
Sam: Anyway, let's go get yer ensemble ready.  
  
Hailey: yaks to Tidus  
  
Tidus: all he hears BLAH BLAH BALH.  
  
Hailey: Are you listening?  
  
Tidus: BLAH BLAH BLAH  
  
Hailey: So, do you think I should paint it green, or yellow?  
  
Tidus: clues in Yup! That's a great idea!  
  
Hailey: .......  
  
Sam: HOLD STILL!  
  
Seymore: BUT IT'S A DRESS!  
  
Sam: Stop whining, you big baby.  
  
Seymore: whines  
  
Narrator: The wedding approaches. DUH NUH NUH NUUUH.  
  
A/N: Been having writers block lately, So shut up all you invisible reviewers who don't bother reading this, and if you do, you don't review, so therefore you SUCK!! 


	7. Seveneth!

A/N: My pet ostrich died. Thanks to all ye faithful reviewers for keeping my pet Ostrich alived and sustained on cat litter and the rim of my glasses... thinks Oh, wait. My ostrich is DEAD, so I guess you reviewers don't exist! SCREW YOU, MR. SAMSA!!! smushes bug Oh, wait..... He owned me.... I'm FREEE!!!!!! remembers Oh, wait. I dun own anything but Hailey. I own me, so therefore I don't own myself, I own me. e  
  
The story thus far: Tidus and Hailey are making out, and Seymore and Sam are eating doughnuts and wearing dresses. (well, Sam is wearing jeans, but Seymore's wearing a dress!)  
  
Tidus: bursts into song IIIIII WANT-  
  
Hailey: interrupts FUZZY PEACHES!!! grarrl!  
  
Tidus: makes out with Hailey  
  
Hailey: in between smooches Geeroff! We're getting married today! happy dance  
  
Tidus: Well, it's a good thing that bald priest dude is unsent, or he'd be dead by now.  
  
Hailey: blink Woah. Have you ever looked at your hands? I mean REALLY looked?  
  
MEANWHILE:  
  
Sam: Woah. I mean, they call 'em fingers, but I never see 'em fing!  
  
Seymore: What IS normal, exactly?  
  
Hailey: walks in Certainly not Sammi!  
  
Sam: blink Who's Sammi? Have I been replaced??  
  
Tidus: gazes lovingly at scenery Hailey, I love your hair. I'm so glad I forced you to move here to Canmore, where the job I made you take pays more, so I can lie around on my fat, muscular ass and wipe my mouth with a 20 dollar bill and light a cigarette with 50.  
  
Hailey: I love you, Tidus!  
  
Tidus: I love you too!  
  
Hailey and Tidus: make out  
  
Sam: sniff It's so romantic.  
  
Seymore: Yeah.... gazes dreamily at pelican attacking badger Narrator: Will the wedding ever begin? Will the badger have it's revenge? Will Hailey ever realize that Tidus doesn't exist? Find out next, on STAR WARS, THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL. 


	8. Eighteth!

A/N: It turns out, that fanfiction.net has blocked my astericks in the last few chapters. I have this to say: SCREW YOU! cough (if you blocked those astericks, I will personally sue your fanfiction-ass off. Heh. No, I kid.) TO THE STORY!  
  
I own Hailey, Sam, Sammi, and the WORLD. MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Chapter Eight. Eth. Eighteth. blink 12345678. 8! VIII! (I've got making- my-point-clear syndrome. It's a rare brain desiese. sniff)  
  
Hailey: I dance, I dance, I dance, around the Mexican hat, I dance I dance, I dance, around the Mexican hat!  
  
Tidus: twiddles thumbs  
  
Sam: imitates organ music Nuh nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh nuh! ...slipped on a banana peel, fell and died!  
  
Hailey: whaps Sam with flower boquet Do it right!  
  
Sam: ow Fine... Here comes the bride, all white and snide,  
  
Seymour: (ARE YOU HAPPY, CRITICAL PERSON?!? I SPELLED IT YOUR WAY, NOW GIMME THE 20 BUCKS YOU OWE ME.) ...Here comes the groom! Dumber than a broom!...  
  
Sam: smacks Seymour I do that!  
  
Seymour: sigh  
  
Hailey: walks up asile towards His Hotness Tidus  
  
Tidus: flirts with maid of honour  
  
Preacher dude with mohawk, a.k.a Brother: Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today...  
  
Hailey: Um, excuse me,  
  
Preacher dude with mohawk, a.k.a Brother: to bear witness to-  
  
Hailey: Um, hi. Can we just skip ahead to the 'I dos?" (Yes, I'm scamming off Shrek. Sue me, and I'll give you every last cuss word I've got.)  
  
Tidus: chuckle Go on.  
  
Preacher dude with mohawk, a.k.a Brother: after much yapping I now pronounce you, oddball and teepee.  
  
Tidus and Hailey: make out  
  
Sam: runs up to Hailey and throws confettii NOW WE GET CAKE!  
  
Seymour: stops Sam from stuffing face No, the bride and groom get first peice.  
  
Sam: . . . . . . .  
  
Seymour: is rushed to hospital  
  
Sam, Hailey, Tidus, Wakka, Lulu, and magically healed Seymour crowd into Limo  
  
Narrator: What will happen next? Find out, on Chapter 9! 'The Reception Party of DOOM!" 


End file.
